So the day has finally come upon us- Charlie Sheen on his “Violent Torpedo of Truth/ Defeat is not an option tour as it embarks on it’s second night at Radio City Music Hall(1st night was Friday before a Saturday night stop in Washington, DC). Also bare with me, as this is not a rock concert yet I’m posting here, at a site devoted to sharing experiences with you from rock concerts. Simple math, if I put the words CHARLIE and SHEEN next to each other in a sentence, any sentence-this piece(and this site) will get that many more views. Just throw a #Winning in here and there and you’re all hooked. Robert Patterson (of Filter) was on guitar all night-so we’re not too far from the realm of music anyway; Eff that- I’m going with it.


Since the day I got these tickets, I’ve been kept up to date by people telling me things like “oh, I heard he got booed off stage”.. Yea, in Detroit- a town full of angry unemployed people expecting to see Charlie Sheen turn into Bill Hicks right before their eyes. This is not a magic act- there’s no rabbits being pulled out of hats here and I understand this-too bad the “real” media doesn’t get it. My mother busted out the “But Jay, he hasn’t been winning” line earlier this week really annoyed the crap out of me. This is just an actor who was fired from his job for being himself-he’s now out to make attempts at telling the world his story, tell some epic tales of epic times. I saw video clips of the show from Friday night and people are like screaming stuff out during his sentences and I’m thinking like: dude- can you shut up so I can hear this Nick Cage story?



Rolled with a posse for this one, with my friends In the pic left to right it’s Me, Jon,:Chach, Taylor and Pinky. Running a little late, but after burning down several blunts on the ride over from Staten to the City-we were in a parking garage a block or so away at 8PM exactly(costing us 42 bucks to park in the garage, I’m in the wrong business!). My first time at Radio City Music Hall-this place is mammoth to epic proportions . The lobby when you walk in with the 100 feet long chandeliers hanging from the ceilings, carpeted floor, some of the sexiest women I’ve ever seen in one place-now we are talking! And it’s not like I’m alone and don’t want to get caught staring at some dude’s chick-I have muscle tonight, my eyes are on every single tittie in that building. We walk up three flights of stairs (3rd mezzanine balcony) and are shown to our seats which are primo to say the least. First row overlooking the entire nights proceedings. Had my cup on the ledge until we were viciously scolded by an usher “HEY! NO CUPS ON THE LEDGE!! GET IT OFF!” I’ve had cameras confiscated in nicer tones of voice then that dude gave us.. sure dude- no problem, cups off.



So Charlie Sheen sits in a chair aside with another dude, and the other guy is basically keeping things on track topic wise, prompting Sheen with questions and stuff. One of the first things Sheen is preaching on is to the effect of : “You know I always say to Plan Better (#planbetter), so tonight we planned better by throwing out the script and just saying fuck it”..



Robert Patterson from Filter(a band I saw in the 1st ever Jay Porks Concert Experience!) was a few feet away from them holding his guitar playing along to zingers and such. For example, Sheen says “Can I smoke in here” and as he’s lighting up Patterson plays the “Smoke on the Water” riff-awesome. I actually dragged my friend Chach to that STP/Filter concert back in May 08, so he’s seen Patterson twice now. Anyway, the moderator dude was like going through this $20 booklet they were selling that had a bunch of stuff in it, including a list of the “20 best Charlie Sheen quotes”.. A rant about what being bi polar actually means ensued-with a Doctor being brought up on stage only to find out he was lying about being a doctor..


We got a light “7 gram rocks” chant going, then He asked us to pick it up saying- “that’s be awesome lets have a 7 gram rocks chant ”. Then went on to explain how we got ourselves to this magical number of seven gram rocks. Sheen states “I was jamming this huge rock into my crack pipe and it wouldn’t fit it was impossible”-we’re all already dying in laughter here as he says something to the effect of: “So I took it out and banged it on the scale broke it in two. While smoking a 3 gram rock I noticed the other one was 4 grams, so I finished it all up right there”



But Charlie has supporters he tells us, gazing into the crowd. “Where’s Daryl? I know you’re here Daryl stand up take a bow” and I notice floor seats middle/right section the spot light finds him I look on the big screen and it’s actually frickin’ Daryl Strawberry, there in the crowd trying to be incognito wearing army fatigues. A few minutes later he’d be forced by Charlie to come on stage to take a bow- “Just take a bow for the people”. Besides the massive chants of “Daaaaaaaarrrrrryllllllll!” when he walked off some fans shouted out “Lets Go Yankees”, to which Charlie replied “He played for the Yankees?”(Obviously we know Daryl actually did play for the Yankees in the late 90’s as a role player on those championship teams). Do you understand how hard it was to avoid a “Strawberry’s the only dude who’s smoked more crack then this guy” line? Oops.



Where’s James?” Sheen says gazing into the crowd again- “C’mon James I know you’re here take a bow”. So on the big screen we then see a shot of James fucking Lipton, host of “Inside the Actors Studio” in the crowd watching the onstage goings on. Really? This dude seems like the most serious guy in the world with all his thespianism speak and such, I can’t believe he’s here to win tonight. “Want to come up and ask me some questions James?” to a resounding cheer from the crowd-he’s not really into to at all Charlie continues to coax him “I know I promised I wouldn’t but just come up to take a bow at least” so finally he comes up on stage and hugs Charlie and then is asked if he had one question to ask Charlie what would it be and he replies with “Well(in his all deep, serious voice he has), it would have to be what I ask all the actor I have on-What’s you’re favorite curse word?” Easy answer for Sheen, who said it’s “Fuck…or Denise-either one” to a huge harmonic roar from the crowd. Lipton heads back to his seat. Damn-is there anyone else in here I should know of?



For the seven minute intermission they’ve decided to show a short little flick, which was described as the “real” interview ABC should have aired. It contained the questions asked by Andrea Canning and Sheen’s responses edited to much funnier things. Like at one point every shot on Sheen had him with most cigarettes inserted in each hole of his face-first his nostrils then to the point where he had cigs in his ears and about 5-6 in his mouth until finally it just cut to a giant cigarette sitting there in the chair burning. Also clips of Sheen and 3 friends in his house arguing in the kitchen-but they’re speaking Spanish. I am far from disappointed with this night so far this shit is hilarious!


We come back from break and Sheen is in the balcony right below us all the way across the room making his way towards the stage. He sits and someone screamed out some sentence containing “Lorre”. He came to admit that Chuck Lorre “doesn’t completely suck” and he went on to call Jon Cryer a “Rock Star” and apologized for calling him a troll in earlier interviews. He continues on topic, stating that he’ll eventually write an apology and “I will be back on that fucking show” while prompting everyone to write in letters demanding his return.



So we’re still jiving along, and he takes a few questions from the audience(wish someone could muster up something good).. Some women had a photo album in her hand and said when handed the mic : “Charlie, do you remember the Tyson/Holyfield fight in 1996? You spilled you’re drink on me I have the pictures”-he’s like “really let me see that..what year again?” she says “1996” So Sheen explains that you gotta understand when you party with him “drinks get spilled” and went on to say “Look how epic that is-she remembers that 30 years later and I have no recollection of even being there”



Another audience member asked him if he had any money left, which prompted Sheen to reach in his bag and say “I got 100 bucks, here you want 100 bucks? Take it” and just hands it to dude(sitting in 700 dollar orchestra seats mind you). Other people were handed the mic, one asking how he can become a warlock… Sheen looked at him, sort of knighted him in a way and said “You are one”..



We took one more senseless question, before Charlie left us with this “You can’t live in the past. Unless you can bring me a souvenir from said event then it doesn’t exist-and the only souvenir I brought back her from Friday night was ME! Goodnight, Love you guys!”



As the lights came on we all got to hear and view Snoop Dogg on the big screen doing a song I could only imagine could be called “Winning”, featuring lines like “Sheen with Tiger Blood like Snoop and Gin&Juice”. Tried to tape it, but the audio quality was an absolute abortion via Blackberry video camera. I only have one SD card, so I figured I’d test run it using the phone’s camera tonight, unaware that I wasn’t even going to be patted down whatsoever.


And As we exited we noticed that everyone had, you know, stayed til the end. Went to about 9:30, after coming on about 8ish.. No booing, no one walking out-everyone in the building having a blast. Take that conservative America!


So to tie things up here, I got what I expected and more. And I’m so glad too-just to shove it in the face of all you non-believers. All the people out there who look at me like I’m a satanist for supporting a #Winning cause yet tune in religiously to eMTpyV to keep up with all the latest happenings on the Jersey Shore. Not to rant or anything, but all those people could seriously suck it-two standing ovations tonight! Me and four of my friends sitting at Planet Hollywood after the show running up a 170 dollar bill all in agreement of the epic night. I even spotted a Roger Dorn (Corbin Bernsen’s character in the movie Major League, starring Charlie Sheen) jersey hanging up on the wall I got a pic of myself next too with Taylor. Our waiter was on board with the whole scene, actually writing at the top of our check “The Tiger Blood Was Free”. Complete awesomeness from all ends. And just for you Robert Patterson I’m going to blast Filter as I write this up just because you kicked ass riffing all night…



Anyway, I’m done folks-I still have two school assignments to do that are due tomorrow but this was more important. Needed to let the internet know what a genius Charlie Sheen is. And we’ll meet again soon right here, as I head out to Town Hall this Wednesday 4/13 to see Chris Cornell on his “Acoustic Songbook Tour”. So til then, thanks for participating and I hope it was as good for you as it was for me. LATE…

Jay Porks here.. I like to go to shows and pass along the experiences to you in words, photos and videos. In my spare time I do Social Media for the Meat Puppets in addition to hosting a weekly podcast. Remember folks it\'s not all about the technicalities of the situation more than it is about what the situation brings to the technicalities... The Jay Porks Experience, take a stroll my shoes for a little while...
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Monday, April 11th, 2011 at 12:31 am.
Categories: Reviews.

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