Well THAT was an ordeal! The schlep that is the 51st edition of the Jay Porks Never Ending Concert Series takes us to Homedel, NJ and the PNC Bank Arts Center to see Untity Tour 2011: 311 with special guests Sublime W/ Rome.. how could this not be fun? It’s summertime, we have a scorcher out there today getting near 100 at several occasions today(and not cooling off as the sun went down). One of the few days I bust out the shorts, met Lex at my job and waited for the rest of the posse, Pam and Ray.. cold beers in trunk.. Doors at 6:30PM, and I’m sure there has to be some third band on this bill, so we figured there was no rush.
Got to the parking lot before 7PM(with the guys in the parking lot selling tee shirts for $20, I got one after the show for $10 #Winning)….we had a nice ‘on the grass’ spot so we can have less cops walking around. All working out well, we start drinking, and we don’t head in until we see everyone around us walking in.. so instead of walk beside people going into the same place we are, I look left and see the venue, just over the grassy hill over there. The genius I am, we head towards it only to find none other than the Garden State Parkway waiting for us there… it’s not like a street, this is a highway with very tight gaps between cars. I still don’t know how we made it across, like the nut jobs we are we dodged across making it to the other side.. that’s where we found AGAIN, the Garden State Parkway(this end going south I guess)-so another deathly mission, but using the Jedi force we made it and walked all the way up more parking lots finally making it inside..
Couldn’t be to much past 8PM, maybe 8:30 but we get to the lawn and take our place in a sea of pot smoke.. Ray and Pam head off to grab drinks and stuff, upon coming back they told us they were hearing that Sublime had gone on and off already.. No freaking way this can be true, when did they go on 7:30? We didn’t hear this from the parking lot? Guy next to us turns and says “yea they went on and played for like 20 minutes”… What?!? it’s still light outside.. so what’s happening now 311 is gonna come on at 9PM and play 2 hours? I just accidentally missed an opener? An opener I WANTED to see no less-I’m one of the 27 people who’s into the new singer, and I missed it drinking Heineken Light in the parking lot? We could chalk that one up in the Fail column for me.. dammit.
So it’s cool tho, 311 is still gonna come out here and play an awesome set, right? They didn’t disappoint me the last two times I saw them so I figured the odds were in our favor.. Ray is Mr. Optimistic over here saying “It sucks, but I mean we still got 311!”.. then about 5 songs in (they came on at 9PM almost on the dot) I turn around and see Pam and Ray looking at each other puzzled.. I look at Lex and she gives me this puzzled look too-then I realize I feel a little puzzled myself. What songs are these? Obviously I’m aware that they have the new record out.. and I know bands like to sprinkle new stuff into their set when they first release it.. but I mean, after kicking off with ‘Beautiful Disaster’ and throwing ‘All Mixed Up’ into the first few songs, I went for what felt like the longest time before another song I knew, “Amber” was played. ‘Jackpot’ was in there too-but I don’t know that song on its own merit just know it from the last time I saw them.. This was beginning to get really disappointing… Can I get “Love Song”? Can you do me that favor?
Now at 9:42PM here comes the drum solo part, where the whole band bangs on bongo drums for a few minutes-not sure if its just a jam or an actual song but either way, it’s another few minutes of us looking at each other waiting for the good part. It’s not like I’m by myself, and I can totally fluff this piece up by focusing on all the scathingly clad chicks walking around-I’m with my friends here, one of whom will be voicing her own thoughts on this on Concert Confessions herself.. How dare you shove that new record down my throat like that, in front of my friends no less.
New Jersey is full of odd girls man.. I mean, lets start with this random chick who asks me for a cigarette. Back story: I had like 3 cigs left in my pack, Lex was supporting my habits all night under the condition that I’d give her back a few later(Which I forgot to do).. so this chick walks up and asks for a cigarette after seeing me get handed a bust down from Lex, gave me that “pretty please!” facial expression. So while grimacing I reach to give her one and I’m like “If you had a penis, I wouldn’t even consider this” and I hand it over. She of course needs a light (Want me to smoke it for you too?), then she walks away back to hang with her boyfriend or whatever. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to get a picture of this broad. I tweeted “To the girl who just grubbed a cig off me, welcome to the blog”. And with this pic I snatched, I stand by my tweet.
Fed up, and inhaling the second hand of all the awesome smelling weed that’s going around, I loudly state “Does anyone have weed? I have money!” just taking a shot in the dark, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s typical “I sell pot at rock concerts” guy standing over there calling me over.. hell, we’re at a 311 show what’s a guy to do.. hands me a 20 sack fatter than Snooki.. some nice smelling stuff too. But guess what, we don’t have any paper to roll in.. serious FML status going on all night long. So Ray is off into a sea of people through the darkness of this epic lawn and emerges with paper. Amazing. A God amongst men, but while that was happening, I asked these two girls if they had any paper on them who were standing close by.. she’s like “No we don’t have papers-do you have weed?” (No, I just want the paper because my notepad is out of sheets you moron) I reply with yes and the girl looks at me and is like “Alright when you find some paper come by and we’ll blaze”… I nodded and walked away. Balls. Seriously? What are you like Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher? Give me a nugget I’ll smoke it in the car like.. At least the shallow girls I run into in NY will pretend to be into you for the five minutes they want to take advantage of your stash. There weren’t even any guys with them, I promise if that girl woulda touched my freaking wrist she would been smoking with us.. come back when you get paper.. sure. And I get laid often..
But suddenly as we’re pouring the weed into the paper(Members of my family are probably loving all this getting high discussion right now-cannot compromise the truth, wouldn’t be fair to my any of the readers) I hear the “Come Original” riff starting.. Ray is doing the pouring, so I’m screaming at him “Don’t jump up! Please do not jump up!”.. we survived, and started burning a little herb.. impressive bud too-and then they played “Down”.. so like, as soon as I found some pot this night took a sharp left turn… they ducked off for a sec, came back to play “Who’s got the Herb”, and as a matter a fact we did! Played “Creatures for a while” and set was over like 10:40ish.. I mean, when you have til 11, you’d think they’d get close to it.
On the way out, we’re trying to figure out when Sublime w/Rome exactly went on, and all these people look like they’re the walking dead filled with Oxycontin I swear-I mean, we got wrecked before the show but on the walk out it was like amateur night here-ambulances and shit.. it’s called moderation people! But back to asking people, I got a lot of interesting replies. Went up to a group of girls by a car and asked when Sublime w/Rome went on (I specifically said the ‘with Rome’ part so I wouldn’t have to hear a lecture).. one girl says “They went on before 311”.. Wow, and the award for best zinger in a sHit-com series goes to.. They went on to say that it was early, but they don’t remember now(again, moderation)..The one chick says to me “Dude you’re old enough to be wearing a Sonic Youth tee shirt-you should know this isn’t the real Sublime”… As a matter of fact I did know that believe it or not. You see because I know the “real Sublime” could have had so many more great albums if Brad wasn’t such a junk box-I mean but what do I know, I wear the tee shirt of ‘ART’ ROCK band Sonic Youth. I must be clueless. And why are you here anyway? It’s like the people who go to Hole concerts hoping and praying Courtney Love falls down face plant style (everyone reading this nods saying “yea, that’s me”).. I don’t know people, maybe it’s me. Maybe Pam, Lex, Ray and I are old fogies.. felt like we were being starred at the whole time.. maybe we’re out of touch with music or something, and for me that’s fine. I’d rather sit alone and listen to music I like they be surround by people listening to the crap these people want today. Still reminiscing over Bradley-get over it. Like it, or shut the hell up. I hate people like that women I encountered in the parking lot. She’s giving me a lecture? Obviously hasn’t googled me.. But if you wanna do that go get a blog or something.. all these people have opinions and no one will document them publicly.. I mean, ended up an overall fun night for some reason, maybe my ranting throughout the parking lot on the way back to the car that, if you know me, is always a can’t miss. I’m the most humorous when I’m pissed. All of you New Jersey folk make me need to take a shower when I got home to wash off the stank of pretentiousness. Cargo shorts, no shirts looking like they’ve had heroin shot into their eyeballs.. You people make me sick
Having said all that, I’ll be in the exact same place this time next week watching the Flaming Lips and Weezer share a stage.. Rivers asked Wayne if he has an extra bubble he can ride around in.. should be fun. I HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET, was going to give it away Friday afternoon between the hours of 4-7PM because I’ll be the in-studio guest on 88.9 WSIA-FM (WWW.WSIA.FM), my local college radio station, talking all things Jay Porks Experience, and the world domination of Concert Confessions.. just basically me giving the verbal experience of all these shows I’ve been to and hopefully I’ll get to pick some songs… But we’ve been told that I’m not permitted to give away the ticket on air due to promotional complications-even tho it’s MY ticket, I’m just really looking to get a ride out of the deal. Anyway, I’ll catch all my faithful next week right here same bat time, same bat channel. Thanks for reading. LATE